So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
