I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
