In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
