all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
