Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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