Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
