We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
