i just wanna soil my oats bro
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
