Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
