Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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