I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So vagazzling was a success
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
