woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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