we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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