Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
