Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
