im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
