Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
True strength comes from lack of pants
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
