we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
