who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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