Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
