So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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