apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Boobs are out for the taking
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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