Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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