we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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