Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
