ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
