You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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