On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
