I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
