i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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