your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
