HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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