i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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