There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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