Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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