she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
