i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
