Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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