Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
