If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
