I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
