you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
