sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
