do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
