I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
