O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
