I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
