Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
