I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
