i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
