Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
