would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
